Inspired Mennonite

Continued from A lost speck of Mexican dust

As I thought of something to say, my phone rang. I didn't want to answer it. I really didn’t want my conversation with George to be over yet.

“Aren’t you going to answer your phone?” George asked.

“No, it's okay, whoever it is, they can call back later.”

“What if it's your mom?”

“Oh, crap! I better answer it,” I said, quickly got up and walked over to the phone. George followed me, walked straight to the door and said, “I’ll talk to you later Anna.”

I thought to myself “Sometimes I wish I didn’t even have a phone” as I stood there and watched him walk through the door.

I picked up the phone and said, “Hello.”

“Anna! How are you? It's me, Christina!”

“Hey, Christinaaaa! How are you?”

“I am great! I’m so happy that I moved, I love it here. How are you?”

“Ahhh I’m not sure yet. I finished and passed grade nine yesterday but then I got the pink slip at the end of my shift.”

“What? That’s awesome, congratulations I knew you would pass grade nine! I miss you like crazy.”

“Thanks, I miss you too, but I am so glad that you are happy over there.”

“Anna, don’t be too sad about the factory closing. When one door closes another always opens and usually a better one, that is.”

“I’m so not sure about that,” I answered.

“I have a feeling that you will figure it out.”

“I hope so.”

“What are you up to, what are you doing this weekend?” she asked.

“Ahhh I’m not sure, Sam invited me to go to the drive-in theater to see a movie with him and his friends.”

“What? Anna, that’s awesome!”

“You think so?”

“Yes, Anna, you deserve to go out and have a good time.”

“It does sound like a lot of fun, but I don’t think I should go.”

“Anna, you should go out and celebrate the fact that you finished grade nine, it is a huge deal and life is a way too short. You should enjoy your life where you are now. You never know what can happen.”

“Okay, I will think about it some more.”

“Awesome! I am planning on coming for a visit soon and then we have to go out and celebrate.”

“Yey! I can't wait.”

“Okay Anna, I’ll let you go I have to go to work soon.”

“Okay. What kind of job did you get?”

“I work in a clothing store for now, until I figure out what I want to do.”

“That sounds like fun.”

“It is, I like it. You should see the clothes I get to take home.”

“Nice! I wish I had some new clothes.”

“Thanks, Anna and no worries, I will bring you some when I come for a visit.”

“You will? Thanks. You are the best!”

“You’re welcome hun.”

“Okay, I will talk to you another time.”

“Okay, thanks for calling.”

“You’re welcome, bye Anna.”

“Bye,” I said, hung up the phone and went back to sleep. When I woke up feeling rested, I realized what day it was and then it really hit me, “I passed grade nine!” and I couldn't stop smiling.

I decided that I would listen to Christina and go to the drive-in theatre with Sam and his friends. I showered, put on my best ‘English’ clothes and lip gloss. By noon, I was ready to go, but I still had to call Sam to let him know I decided to go.

I worked up the courage to call Sam, I tensed right up and my heart began to pound out of my chest as I dialled his number. It rang twice and he answered, “Hello.”

“Sam?” I asked.

“Yes, hi Anna, how are you?”

“I’m okay, I think.”

“I am so glad you called, I wasn’t sure if you would, after we all got the boot last night, you know the pink slip.”

“Yes, I was hoping that it was an extra pay cheque instead.”

“Yeah, wouldn’t that have been much better?”

“Yes,” I answered in a low voice.

“So, can I pick you up at around five?”

“Okay.”

“Sounds good, see you at five then.”

As I hung up the phone I thought “Oh no! What am I doing?”

I restlessly walked around my apartment not knowing what to do with myself. Since it was such a beautiful sunny day I thought “I am going to take my blanket, my book, go sit under a tree and read. Maybe I can learn more about my nerve problems.”

I had gotten a book about how to cope in a world where you feel like everything you do is wrong and no one understands you, from the library. I was still thinking that I should figure out what was wrong with me. I had been told that I had nerve problems and I believed it.

A couple of pages into the book I realized and I decided that I had discovered my absolute favourite pastime. I knew that I would never be bored again because I could read.

I lay down, took a deep breath, placed the book over my face and thought about what I was going to do. But then I remembered many of the things that had happened to me and how I managed to keep going. Especially after sinking my cousin’s car in the sand at a tobacco field and getting fired because of it. Walking into a classroom knowing that I would have to start a the bottom. A crazy man trying to blow me up. Missing my citizenship test. My nerve problems… my family…and on and on…

I began to trust that George and Christina were both right, that the factory closing wasn’t the end of the world either. I thought about what was most important to me which was going to school and how amazingly empowered I felt that I had actually learned how to read. I felt that I just might be okay, even if I ended up homeless. At least then I would have more time to read.

The thought of spending all my time reading was so relaxing that I dozed off on the boat to Posen Land, on calm crystal clear blue water. Birds chirping, books all around me, the warm geranium scented breeze gently blowing turning pages of all the books that held the answers to my problems. The warm sun shone through the windmill floating around the boat. The mill slowly turning causing the shade to flicker on and off my face, whispering, “fula es wajch, fula es wajch, Anna… (grandpa is gone, grandpa is gone, Anna…) that voice turned into a familiar sounding voice.

I smelled and felt a pleasantly scented familiar presence next to me when the boat slowly began tipping to the left side. I started rolling toward the edge of the boat and just before I fell into the water, I jumped awake.

“Ahhh Anna, this is how it's done,” I opened my eyes and there was George sitting next to me on the blanket.

“Sorry to interrupt. It looked like you were in a calm and peaceful place,” said George.

“Hey, George! Oh, that’s okay, I shouldn’t be napping outside anyways.”

“Yes, you should Anna! This is exactly what I would do, but I didn’t bring my book.”

“That’s okay, here, you want to read a few pages to me?” I asked.

“Sure,” he answered, laid down on his stomach beside me, picked up the book and began to read out loud.

I couldn't think of a better way to spend my time, as I lay there beside him listening to him read to me. I immediately began wishing that this too, would never end.

I thought “Nooo!” when he stopped to look at me, but when he winked at me I thought “Yeah okay…” as he stared at me and the butterflies were trying to fly out of my stomach.

“You look like a different person Anna, you are so beautiful.”

And down when my face turning all red.

“I’m serious, Anna.”

“Well, it's amazing how a shower can wash away so much ugliness and a peaceful nap can bring you back to life. It sure helps to have amazing friends who tell me over and over not to worry and that everything will be fine. Now, I just wish I could figure out how to fix my nerve problems.”

“Anna, can I tell you something? But please don’t take this the wrong way.”

“Sure.”

“I think that is a bunch of complete and utter bullshit. You do not have nerve problems. You are a perfectly healthy, normal curious human being who has experienced the loss of a loved one. Who is searching for self-identity in a world that is foreign to you, which you haven't been part of before. That is what anyone would and should do.”

I just stared at him as he continued. “My grandma always talked about her nerve problems and I think that’s how people try and control someone to keep them from really becoming who they are. Especially women, when people fear that they may go off on some journey that in their eyes may not be acceptable.”

“Okay…”

“I’m sorry Anna, I don’t mean to get all passionate like this again, but I think you should know that you are an amazingly strong woman and sometimes that scares people, especially in a setting like a Mennonite colony.” I caught myself thinking, “Please don’t stop talking, please don’t stop talking please don’t stop talking…” and he stopped.

“I’m not sure what all of that means but it sounds perfect, you really think there is nothing wrong with me?”

“Absolutely! And any doctor would tell you that. Ask the nurse next time you go to see her. I can guarantee that she will tell you the same thing well, maybe with a bit less passion, though.”

“Okay, I will ask her when I see her next week.”

“Anna, I know many people that want to do what you have done. But because it’s such a frightening thing to do, fear and doubt usually wins. I probably shouldn’t tell you this but you were brave enough to tell me that you thought my teeth were fake, so I am going to tell you this.”

We both laughed and he said, “Remember when I talked to you about going to school the time at the walk-in clinic when you were so frustrated that you couldn’t do the paperwork?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, I honestly thought that you wouldn’t listen to me or the nurse. Especially after I imagined what that must have felt like. I imagined myself in your shoes and you know what I wanted to do?” 

“Go jump off a bridge?” I asked sarcastically.

“Well, among many other thoughts yes, that one did make a brief appearance too. I felt so bad for you, thinking, about where on earth you found the strength to get to the point where you just walked into the school to face your reality, your fears head on.”

“Really, you imagined all of that?” I asked as my eyes suddenly became watery and itchy as heck.

“Yes, I did, and I can't believe the amount of learning you have done in such a short period of time. I can only imagine what all you will do with that kind of determination. You should know that you’re amazing and I am so proud of you. I’m not one bit surprised that Sam asked you out on a date and I am really… ah… f#ck! Now would be a good time for me to shut up.”

I pretended that I was itching my eyes while I rubbed them, I asked, “Ahhh a date?”

“Yes, a date.”

“I thought if you went out with a group of people then it isn't a date.”

“Oh, it’s a date, Anna.”

“No! Then I can’t go.”

“Yes you can and you should. Go and experience going on a date with Sam, have fun and live the shit out of life. That’s how people here figure out who they are and what they really want in life.”

I quickly sat up straight.

“Ahhh shit I said it again, please don’t beat me up, I do remember. You are ‘Anna Wall from a Mennonite colony in Durango Mexico!’ I’m sorry!”

We both laughed as he continued, “I am only saying that you should go because I know Sam. I know he is a good guy and you can trust him.”

“Why don’t you come along too?”

“Ah no. That would make it weird.”

“How would that make it weird, when his friends are coming along too, you are his friend aren't you?”

“Yeah, but ah… I have to try and fix a hideous tattoo. It's okay, you go and have fun, you can tell me all about it tomorrow if you want too.”

“Ah… okay,” I said thinking I am so confused.

“You enjoy the rest of your day, I have to go clean my place and prep for tonight. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay, see you later,” I said and thought, “What the heck just happened here?” Click here to continue reading my story.

A lost speck of Mexican dust

Continued from Jerkish Mennonite

I began to feel guilty about my vengeful thoughts toward my family as I drove to a mailbox to drop off the punctuation-less letter I wrote to them thinking “oba shita, oba shita, oba shita!”

As soon as I got home, I opened the envelope Hilary gave me and I thought “I really hope whatever is inside this envelope isn't pink, please don’t let it be pink, please don’t let it be pink” and when I saw that the paper inside it was pink, my bad mood got worse and my thoughts went from ‘oba shita!’ to ‘oh f#ck!’ and my heart sank to the floor.

I was exhausted from the long emotional day I had had, so I decided to wait and read the letter in the morning. I got out of my jeans, slipped into my favorite purple beautiful ‘nightgown/dress,’ put the pink paper on the pillow next to me and tried to go to sleep.

But there I was again, on the boat floating toward Posen Land. I was standing at the front of the boat in my purple nightgown, looking down watching the pink papers swimming around the boat just like a school of fish. I heard Hilary’s deep voice echoing across the water, “Anna, this is not real. Close your eyes and have a good night.”

I closed my eyes and when I opened them, I was on a swing. Swinging way high over the water, as I swung forward I felt the wind howling past my ears, blowing my hair up and when I swung back, I felt the jitters in my stomach as the wind blew my hair back over my face so that I couldn't see anything. When I swung forward again and the wind blew my hair out of my face, I saw thousands of windmills standing tall in the water angrily screeching at me. When I swung forward again, the water around the windmills was covered in pink papers and the windmills were furious at me.

I closed my eyes and when I opened them again, George was standing on the boat, reaching up to me, shouting, “Just jump Anna, I will catch you.”

“But what if I fall in the water? I can’t swim,” I shouted back and closed my eyes.

“That’s okay Anna, just jump, I will swim you to the boat,” Sam’s voice echoed.

“Listen to Sam Anna, jump!” shouted Christina.

“You can do it, Anna, we are all here to catch you!” shouted Josh.

“I can’t, I am too high” I shouted back down at everybody and closed my eyes as the swing began to swing faster and higher sending the jitters all the way down to my toes.

“Anna! Open your eyes and look at me when I am talking to you,” yelled George. When I opened my eyes and I couldn’t see him anymore, I started crying.

“Oh f#ck! Come on Anna don’t cry, just take a deep breath and jump. Trust me I promise I won't let you drown,” echoed George’s voice across the dark sky.

The swing kept on swinging higher and higher as the windmills screeched angrier and angrier. The mills began turning faster and faster, blowing all the pink papers up and toward me. I quickly closed my eyes, tightly holding on to the rope bracing myself for the impact and just before I felt the impact, I jumped awake with actual tears in my eyes.

As I realized where I was and sat up, I felt more exhausted than I did before I went to bed. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and off my face so I could see what time it was. It was five am.

I decided that I had had enough of that and got up. I boiled some water, made myself an instant coffee, wrapped a blanket around myself, took the pink letter and my coffee out on the balcony. I sat down and drank the coffee as I watched the sunrise, bright and warm. When I finished my coffee I unfolded the pink paper and read it. It said that in two weeks the factory would close, and I felt like a lost speck of Mexican dust floating around in the air, not sure of where to place myself, just like I did when I was seven years old when my fula (grandpa) died.

I felt like I was floating around in the air becoming one with my sorrow unsure of where to place it all. I heard a distant voice echoing through that quiet spring morning air, “Good morning Anna.”

I thought “God is that you, are you really speaking to me?”

My guilty conscience was still weighing heavily on my shoulders about having such bad intentions when I wrote the punctuation-less letter to my family, thinking that that would be the reason why God might be talking to me.

“What are you doing up already, shouldn’t you be sleeping still?” asked the voice that I thought was God’s voice, but then it started to sound familiar and I recognized it, it was George.

“I couldn't sleep anymore,” I answered in a shaky voice.

“Okay. Anna, can I come up there and talk you?” He asked.

I got really excited, I wanted to see him so badly. I desperately needed a friend to talk to and he was the perfect one, but I thought “oh crap! He can't see me like this. What do I do? Oba, I can’t just say no, that I don’t want to see him when that isn't true at all.”

I said, “Ahhh I don’t think you want to see me right now, you might fall off the balcony.”

“Anna! Don’t be silly at a time like this. I really would like to talk to you, but I don’t want to do it like this, please…”

“Alright, I will go open the door,” I answered and quickly ran to grab another blanket for him to sit on before opening the door. I unlocked the door and ran back onto the balcony before George got up the stairs.

“Just come to the balcony,” I yelled when I heard him knock on the door.

I quickly wrapped the blanket around myself and wiped my face as much as I could until he stepped through the sliding doors. He was wearing sweatpants and a tank top which was completely drenched in sweat. He sat down beside the blanket I put out for him and wiped the sweat off his face with his man schneppeldüak (handkerchief).

I couldn’t help but stare at his sweaty biceps as I asked, “What are you doing up so early, and why? Ah…” I asked as I realized that I probably shouldn’t ask him why he was so sweaty. I looked down as I turned all red of embarrassment.

He slid over close to me cupped my chin with his hand, pulled my face up and said, “Anna, you don’t have to be embarrassed about asking me anything.”

I looked up at him wishing I was invisible because I knew how terrible I looked.

He said, “I am so glad you are up. I was hoping that I would see you today sooner than later. I am assuming that the reason that you couldn't sleep is because you got the pink slip last night and that is why you are out here this early all teary-eyed.”

Down my face went and the tears streamed down again. He put his sweaty arms around me cupping my face right up against his bear tattoo covered sweaty bicep.

“Nice dress you are wearing Anna,” he said and we both started laughing, but all I could think about was the feeling of my cheek slipping and sliding against his bicep from the vibrating our laugh was causing, mixing his sweat with my tears.

“I’m sorry that I am all sweaty like this but tough times don’t wait around for us to shower before we can deal with them,” he said as he wiped his sweat off my cheek with his thumb.

I looked up at him and asked, “What are you going to do, do you have an idea of where you might look for another job?”

“No, I don’t have a clue, Anna. That’s why I couldn't sleep either, so I decided to go for a run. Running helps me clear my mind.”

“I’m sure you’ll easily find a new job.”

“Well, I hope so, or I might have to go back to school too.”

“Really, you would go back to school? But you already know everything.”

“Yes, I would, and Anna, I do not know everything! I just know different things than you do. Nobody ever knows everything. The only time you stop learning is when you die.”

I just stared at him in a daze.

“Speaking of school, wasn’t yesterday was your last day of grade nine?”

“Yea,” I answered in a low voice.

“Well, how did you do?”

“I passed.”

“That’s awesome! Congratulations I am so happy for you.”

“Thank you.”

“Um… I’m not feeling any excitement here. I thought you would be thrilled. What’s up Anna?”

“It’s a long story.”

“Please tell me about it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“Well, I ran into to one of my uncles yesterday at school and he just reminded me of what a disappointment I am. It really bothered me that none of my family really cares about me doing well in school. And then the pink slip kind of killed any of the excitement I had left.”

“Oh, crap! I’m sorry that it happened this way.”

“Well, I knew it was coming. I was just hoping that it wouldn’t be this soon.”

“Yea me too, but Anna, I think for you, this will be good. You might not see it right now but you are in the right place at the right time and in the right situation. I don’t know if that make any sense to you and I know that it doesn't feel like a good thing for you right now, but you’ll see.”

“I’m not sure what you mean, but everything you say sounds good to me. Even if it doesn't make any sense.”

He laughed and said, “Well, try not to be so stressed over it. I will help you figure it out.”

I took a deep relieving breath and said, “Thank you. You are amazing. What would I do without you, George?” followed by thoughts in my head “And I love the shit out of you, but I'll just keep that to myself.”

“It’s my pleasure, I feel privileged that you let me be the one to help you,” he said and winked at me as he put his arm around my shoulder.

I couldn’t think of anything to say to that and I didn’t want to risk ruining that moment by saying something stupid. So I just allowed myself to feel the butterflies in my stomach as I slowly relaxed my head and let it rest on his shoulder hoping I wasn’t too obvious and he wouldn't notice.

As we sat there in silence soaking up the warm sun, I caught myself wishing that that moment would never end. We both started yawning, I had a really hard time staying awake. I thought “I have to talk or I'm going to fall asleep.”

“What are you doing this weekend?” I asked.

“Not much, a friend is coming over this afternoon to get me to try and fix a tattoo that someone else did a terrible job on. How about you?”

“I’m not sure yet, Sam invited me to go to a drive-in theater to watch a movie with him and his friends.”

I felt his bicep flex and get all tense as he asked, “He did? So are you going to accept?”

“Ahhh I don’t think so, I can't think about having fun at a time like this and I am not sure about Sam, I am never sure if he is my friend or if he is just making fun of me.”

“Ahhh I don’t think Sam is making fun of you Anna, he really likes you.”

“What, you think so?”

“Yes, I don’t think so I know so,” he answered

“Really? Wasn’t Sam one of the guys in the group that I overheard talking about how disgusting Mennonite women are?”

“Ahhh yea. But in his defense, I don’t think he agreed or disagreed. He just happened to be there when that conversation took place.”

“Okay,” I answered.

“Oh and one more thing Anna. None of those guys had ever actually talked to Mennonite women before, including Sam. So, however he felt about what was said since he has actually gotten to know you, it obviously doesn't matter to him anymore.”

“Um, ah” I answered... Click here to continue reading my story.

Jerkish Mennonite

Continued from Homesick Mennonite

I managed to push my nüdelsup cravings far enough to the back of my mind to be able to write my math exam. By the time, I had finished writing the exam, it had stopped raining and the sun began to shine. I decided to go outside and soak up some of that beautiful sunshine. I sat down at the picnic table closed my eyes, inhaled a deep breath of fresh spring air and thought “I really hope I passed that exam.”

When I opened my eyes, I saw a Low German man walking toward the building. As he got closer, I recognized him. It was one of my uncles that I hadn't seen in a very long time. I got so excited to see such a familiar face and said, “I recognized you right away, it’s so good to see a family member around here, do you remember me?”

“Jo, (yes,)” He answered in a low voice while staring me up and down with a noticeably disappointed look on his face.

“Well jie uck aunfang noo de School gon? (Are you starting school too?)” I asked.

He shook his head and said, “Oba nee! Wie wellen boolt aunfang too schaufen (Oh no! We are starting work soon)” in the flattest, least excited low voice, and he began to walk away slowly.

It was like he was backing away slowly from a vicious criminal, afraid that he might get attacked or something. Then I realized that I was wearing jeans and that was why he was so disappointed and couldn’t stand to look at me or make eye contact.

As I watched him walk into the school, I wondered, “then what the heck are you doing here?” I felt like a total idiot for getting that excited to see him, and even asking if he was starting school. Of course, he wasn't. I knew better than to ask him that.

My feelings were hurt. I thought to myself , “what a jerk” but then I remembered that he was just acting like any Low German man would toward his niece that has shamed and disappointed her entire family.

I sat there and thought to myself “I am the jerk here, for expecting him to be happy to see me” and remembered that this wasn't something new, people never got too excited about much. Not even about seeing a family member you may have missed.

When any family members that we hadn't seen for years come from Canada to visit us, even though we had missed them like crazy, we just shook their hands and said, “Goodndach (good day)” in the same tone as if we said it to a complete stranger. But I was expecting more because I was getting used to people getting excited about things. I had experienced human relationships in a whole different way.

I was getting used to the way Christina, George, Josh, Steve, Chung, Sam, the nurse at the walk-in clinic, and all of my teachers treated me. They had taught me that life could be exciting sometimes and that it is okay to show it, especially about someone like me doing well in school.

I thought to myself, “Oba Anna du bast en schlopmets, (Oh Anna you are an idiot)” for thinking that he would actually be happy to see me. He wasn’t surprised to see me because he knew I was going to that school and also had heard all the rumors going around about me in the colonies in Mexico. 

On my way back into the school building I saw my uncle help a man load school desks onto a thrift store truck. And there was the answer to my question about what the heck he was doing there.

I went back to my class hoping to be able to put my hurt feelings aside so I could focus on writing the rest of my last grade nine exams.

I began to think about the fact that by the time George was going to eat his lunch, I would know whether or not I had passed grade nine. And the butterflies began to come alive in my stomach again.

Everyone at the school was in a great mood and happy to leave as soon as they finished writing their exams. Some didn’t even care to know what their marks were or if they even passed. It was Friday, the weather was getting nicer and school was out for a week. Getting a whole week off of school was a bit scary. Having too much free time on my hands was not a good thing for me.

As the day went on the sun shone brighter and warmer. I wondered where everyone was rushing off to in such a hurry. I thought, “I am going to have to go home and clean my apartment with pine sol.” That would be the only thing that would make me feel better and connected to my family after running into my uncle. My encounter with him brought back all the sad guilty feelings I had stored away about leaving them.

By noon, I had gotten back all of my marked exams, returned my books to the school library, and I was done. I was free to go, I finished and passed grade nine. I thanked and said goodbye to all my teachers and walked out of the school feeling taller than I did when I first walked in, scared half to death.

I forgot all about my uncle as walked home tall and proud with the biggest smile on my face. I felt so good about passing grade nine, I didn’t even have to remind myself to breathe, it came naturally along with the feeling of being taller than I was before. It was a feeling unlike I had ever experienced before, especially remembering my first walk to the school and how sick to my stomach I felt back then.

When I got home I emptied my backpack, neatly placed all of my exams and the notes I got from Steve, into a binder to keep forever and ever. I put the binder on my bookshelf that George built for me. I ripped all the pages of my own mixed notes in English, Spanish, and bad spelling. I threw them all in the garbage and placed the notebooks back into my backpack so that I would be ready for grade ten after a week off from school.

It was not easy to enjoy that proud feeling for long with that heavy pink slip on back my mind, so I just began cleaning my floors with pine sol. Even though it was only Friday, I hadn't cleaned in a while because I had been too busy with school and work.

When I finished cleaning my floors, I made myself a bowl of chicken flavored Mr. Noodle for lunch. It didn’t satisfy my cravings for nüdelsup, but because of the smell of pine sol lingering in the air it made me feel like I was still part of my family. I was able to convince myself that that was good enough for now. Even though I was sad that they didn’t care or feel any excitement about me doing well in school.

I thought of a way I could make myself feel better about my encounter with my uncle and knowing that I would get the same reaction from my immediate family. I thought about how I could get revenge on them without hurting their feelings while I got ready for work.

I put a notebook into my work bag and decided that I would write a letter to my family at lunch break. I would tell them that I had I finished and passed grade nine. All the while I knew that it wouldn’t mean anything to them and that I would receive back the same reaction as I did from my uncle. All they cared about was how I might be changing.

While I drove to work I thought of a way to get back at my family in a sneaky way. I would write a letter to them and not use any punctuation that I had learned. I would write the same flat no excitement in the letter as I was receiving from them. I got all excited just thinking about it. 

At lunch break, as I was finishing up my punctuation-less letter, Sam came over. He sat down on the sewing table and looked down at what I was doing, and said, “Hey Anna how’s it going?”

“Good except wishing that it will be a long time before we get those pink slips. How are you?”

“I’m hoping the same thing, Anna,” he said and asked, “What are you writing?”

I thought “Oh no! I won't know how to explain this to him”. “Ahhh a letter to my family in Mexico,” I answered. 

“May I see it?”

I thought “Oh, no, oh crap. I can't just say no,” and said  “Okay, sure,” and passed it to him.

I braced myself thinking that he was going to think that I'm an idiot.

He looked at the letter for a while and said, “Wow, this is so interesting, there is no punctuation at all in your writing? Is this how your language is written?”

“Ahhh actually no it’s not.” 

“What, then why...?”

“Well, I have never used punctuation in the letters I wrote to my family because I didn’t actually know how to use it. But today I am mad at them. All of them, and I think since they all have such a flat attitude toward me about going to school, they are not worthy of the punctuation I have learned in school here in Canada. I am giving them back what they have been giving me. No excitement whatsoever. No punctuation!”

He laughed and said, “What? Wow, what a way to stick it to them,” and continued laughing so hard that he almost fell off the table.

I was being serious, but because he was laughing so hard I started laughing too and said, “Well, they all deserve this.”

Sam couldn’t even speak because he was laughing so hard. I began to wonder if he was laughing because he thought it was funny, or because he was thinking “what kind of loser does a thing like this?” 

I wasn’t sure anymore.

When Sam finally caught his breath, he said, “This is awesome, I love it. I'm going to try this next time I am mad at someone for doing me wrong. I will give them no punctuation, what a way to just let ‘er rip to lash out at someone.” and continued laughing.

I laughed and said, “Okay” as I thought “I'm not sure what ‘let ‘er grip’ means but I sure hope it doesn't mean he will rip this letter, I worked really hard on it and I was hoping to put it in the mail after my shift ends.”

“Okay, I’m sorry Anna, I don’t mean to carry on like this, but I have never seen anything like this before.”

“It’s okay Sam, I know all about that.”

“Speaking of first experiences, have you ever been to a drive-in theater before?” Sam asked.

“Ahhh no.”

“A few of my friends are going tomorrow night, would you like to come?”

“Ahhh what is it? What do people do there?”

“Well, it’s like a big outdoor TV, you park the car and watch a movie. Some people stay in the car and watch it, others bring lawn chairs and sit outside to watch. It’s a lot of fun, I think you might enjoy that.”

“Okay, I will think about it.”

“Sure, can I borrow your pen?” He asked and started laughing again.

“Okay,” I said and handed my pen over to him. He wrote down his phone number in my notebook.

“Here is my phone number, think about it and call me anytime.”

“Okay,” I said as he got up and went back to work while he continued laughing.

It sounded tempting. Though we had become good friends. I still wasn’t sure about him.

I sat at my sewing station, stared at Sam’s phone number and thought, “Wow watching a movie outside? How amazing would that be?” And got back to work.

I finished writing my “‘stick it to my family by withholding punctuation from them” letter’ at the last break. I sealed it, put a stamp on it and put it in my bag ready to be mailed to Mexico.

At the end of the shift, Hilary stood by the door and handed all of us a sealed envelope as we were leaving. When I got to him, as he handed an envelope to me, I forced myself to make eye contact with him. I saw the saddest eyes looking back at me through his thick glasses. I gave him a quick half fake smile and said, “Thank you, Hilary.”

He looked down as he said, “Have a good night, Anna,” in the lowest voice I had ever heard him speak before. Click here to continue reading my story.

Homesick Mennonite

Continued from Friends with Mennonite benefits

“Really, Anna, you are going to marry Josh?” George asked as he walked up to me, put his right arm around my waist, pulled me right up against him, and with his left hand, he cupped my chin, tilted my head up and said, “Anna, open your eyes and look at me when I am talking to you.”

I opened my eyes to look at him when he asked in a deep low voice, “So Anna, are you going to kiss me?” and his voice turned into a song singing “kiss me” that was playing on my alarm clock that woke me up.

I quickly turned off the alarm, closed my eyes in hopes that the dream would continue, but I was wide awake feeling disappointed, guilty and embarrassed about that dream and my thoughts that followed.

I got up, got ready and went to school. I was so nervous, I had a headache and felt sick to my stomach before my day even started. I was worried about what George was going to tell me and I didn’t think I would pass my final English exam. I was the second last one to finish writing the exam. I handed it to the teacher, ran straight to a payphone, put a quarter in and dialed the number to the factory. Hilary answered.

“Hi this is Anna Wall, would I be able to speak with George?”

“Sure Anna, hold on let me page him for you,” he answered in his usual deep voice.

My heart began pounding faster and faster the longer I had time to think about asking him what he wanted to tell me, but I decided that I should wait until I talked to him in person.

“Hello,” said George.

“George!”

“Anna!”

“Hey, can I come and see you at lunch break?”

“Yea, sure Anna, I will meet you outside by the picnic table.”

“Okay, see you then.”

“See you at lunch Anna, take care.”

I hung up the phone, went to the school library and tried to study for my final math exam that I was to write the next day. But all I could think about was this pink slip Bree told me about.

While I was writing down math formulas as tiny as I possibly could, in different colors onto my cheat sheet, my English teacher came to see me. My first thought was oh no! I did everything wrong and I will have to rewrite the exam.

“Anna, I marked your exam first and wanted to give it back to you before you left. Congratulations, you did incredibly well on your exam. It was such a pleasure having you in my class, you should be proud of yourself, and all the hard work you did. Good luck with the rest of your exams and have a wonderful week off.”

“Thank you,” I said and looked down at an 84% mark circled in red on the top of the exam. I felt so overwhelmed I could have laughed and cried at the same time, and as I was fighting back the tears Steve walked in.

“Wow, Anna you look like you just saw a ghost, are you okay?”

“I am not sure yet, I thought I failed my exam but look,” I said as I sat down and showed him the exam.

“Ah, sweet mark Anna! I haven’t gotten my back yet, but if I get a mark like that I will be thrilled.”

“Oh Steve, you’ll probably get a higher mark than this.”

“I don’t think so Anna, I didn’t try very hard, I just kinda winged it. Hey did you learn what you needed to about Posen Land on the internet the other day?”

“Yes, I did. I learned that it’s a real place and that there is way too much information on the internet. I got lost in all that information and gave up. Thanks again for showing me how to look stuff up and always giving me a copy of your notes. I could have never gotten this mark without your help.”

“Anytime Anna, anytime.”

“Are you coming back for the next semester?” I asked.

“Yes,” he answered in a sad and low voice.

“Great! Why are you sad about that?”

“Ah… because I’m pissed at myself for dropping out of high school, but I can't do shit without my high school diploma.”

“Why did you drop out?”

“Well, I had all kinds of reasons for dropping out, but the main reason was because I couldn't stand high school, I really hated it.”

“Do you still hate school?”

“Not as much because now I understand that this is the only way to a better life, so I can manage and get through the day.”

“Can you sit beside me again in grade ten English class? I could really use your help again.”

“Sure Anna, pick a good spot and save me the seat next to you, you are most likely to be the first one here, I'm sure.”

“Okay, you got it, I will do that. Thanks, Steve.”

“You’re welcome Anna,” he said and went to his next class.

I drove through the drive through at Tim Hortons and pick up a coffee for George and went to the factory. When I pulled up to the parking lot he was already sitting at the picnic table waiting for me. When he saw me he got up, walked up to the car and opened the door for me.

“Hey Anna, how are you?” he asked.

“I’m really nervous and a bit scared you know, your note sounded so serious.”

“What? Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, come here,” he said and wrapped his arms around me hugging me tight.

“Oh that’s okay, this is making me feel a little bit better,” I said as I gloated in his embrace and wished that it would last a lot longer.

He laughed and said, “Okay, let's go sit down.”

“Wait I got you a coffee, let me get it.”

“Wow great thanks, Anna, how thoughtful of you, you are the best,” he said. I turned all red and didn’t know what to do with myself.

He took a sip of his coffee and said, “Okay, here it goes,” I looked down and held my breath.

“Ah, crap no Anna! Okay, I'm not talking until you look at me and breathe.”

I slowly inhaled, looked up at him until our eyes meet and then the butterflies awakened in my stomach again.

“Ahhh shit Anna, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I think I can explain it to you before it happens so that it won't be so bad for you when it actually happens.”

“You mean the pink slip?”

“Yea, how do you know about it, who told you?”

“Bree.”

“Oh f#cking shit! Of course!”

“But I didn’t believe her, I thought she was just trying to scare me. Then I asked Sam and he thinks it might be true.”

“Really? And what else did Bree tell you?”

“Ah… that she hates her life, this factory and she can't wait to get her pink slip to get out of here to join the military.”

“The military?”

“I asked her that same question.”

“Okay, well, she’s got to figure out what she wants to do with her life and sadly it’s true. This factory is closing down. I wanted to tell you because I know that this job means a lot to you.”

“Oh, crap! I was really hoping that it wasn’t true. This is totally going to mess up my life again, you know,” I said in a really low voice.

“Yes, I know that. That is why I wanted to talk to you and tell you not to worry too much about it, I have some ideas that might work. I will help you figure this out and most importantly, do me a favour and please don’t drop out of school to look for a new job okay.”

“Well, that didn’t turn out so well for me the last time, remember?” I asked and for the second time in one day, I felt like crying and laughing at the same time.

He laughed and said, “Oh, shit yea I remember, those were some memorable times.”

I dropped my head down and asked, “Memorable, or the worst? Are you sure you wanna help me again?” I asked in a low voice.

“Oh no, Anna not the worst, and absolutely I want to do this again. Promise me that you will not quit school or call that tobacco farmer and look at me when I am talking to you, Anna.”

“Okay, okay, I won't stop going to school yet, especially not after this,” and I put the exam on the table in front of him.

He picked it up, dropped it back down on the table and said, “Holy f#cking shit Anna. I don’t even know what else to say,” he took a deep breath and said, “Okay, very good Anna very good. Well, I have to get back to work now.”

“Okay,” I replied.

“I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Okay.”

“Have a good night.”

“You too,” I said and began to shake uncontrollably as I watched him walk away from me. When the door closed behind him, the waterworks began to flow, it just happened no matter what I did to try and stop it. I just stayed sitting there for a good hour and then went and sat in the car until my shift started.

Everything sounded so nice as I listened and watched all those pleasant words slide past George’s perfect teeth when he told me not to worry and he would help me figure things out again. But as soon as he wasn’t there I got stressed and worried sick to my stomach about what was going to happen to me, again.

I just couldn’t stop thinking and worrying about how I would manage to pay rent and buy food if I didn’t have a job. I knew that it was pretty much impossible for me to get another job. In spite of George’s advice, I felt like I didn’t have any other option but to call Frank the tobacco farmer and ask him to hire me back for the summer. I thought maybe if I promised him that I wouldn’t drive onto the field with my cousin's car this time, he might consider hiring me back.

It was a long night at work as I racked my brain and tried to figure out what I should do. I couldn’t shut down my thoughts even after going home at the end of my shift. I tossed and turned while I tried to go to sleep and I had to get some sleep so I could continue writing final exams the next day. Finally, I got up and put my Enigma tape on in hopes that it would help to get my mind off of things so I could go to sleep. But the next thing I knew I was back on the water again on the way to Posen Land. This time, the boat had a hole in it and I was slowly sinking. There were hundreds of tobacco leaves floating all around me.

A windmill appeared making squeaking sounds that sounded like it was saying, “just breathe… just breathe… just breathe,” As I was slowly going down with the boat. I tried grabbing tobacco leaves to keep me from going under, but they just went under too. I took one last deep breath before I went under and when the cold water covered my face, it felt so real that I actually woke up from the cold damp wind blowing over my face. I had left the window open a crack the night before. 

It was a cold and gray rainy spring morning. I got up, got ready and went to school hoping that I would remember what I had learned and pass my exams. But suddenly I began to crave my mother's nüdelsup (chicken noodle soup) and all I could think about was how much missed her.

The little bit of time I had to study for my final math exam before I had to write it, I used to argue with myself in my mind, “I should make nüdelsup, when, at eleven o'clock at night when I am done work? I don’t even have a pasta machine, how can I make mom’s nüdelsup without a pasta machine? Maybe I can buy the noodles in a store somewhere. Yea but when? Okay, I have to stop this and accept that I will not be having nüdelsup anytime soon. Just start studying and when I get home after work, a chicken flavored Mr. Noodle will have to do.” Click here to continue reading my story.