Monday, February 23, 2015

New Emotions Wrestle Old Thoughts!


Continued from Bon Appetite, Mennonite!

George tried to explain what Bon appetit meant and I suggested that, with me, he stick to English only!

As I started eating, I noticed a watermelon seed in my bowl. I took it out and put it on my napkin as that had become a habit of mine. I still had major issues with those darn belly busting seeds. George noticed me setting the seed aside and said, “I must have missed some; it’s no big deal, I just eat them.”

I giggled and he asked, “What’s so funny?”

I told him that it was a long story and I would tell him another time. I took a few bites of the sandwich and ate a few pieces of watermelon. I tried to eat more but I just couldn’t. Too much had happened since my craving for komstborscht. I had lost my appetite again.

“Anna, you really need to eat more. You’re wasting away. I don’t know how a person can survive eating the way you do,” George said.

I told him about my komstborscht cravings and that I thought it was a good sign.

“Cabbage soup, that’s what you are craving. Tell me what ingredients you need and I will buy them for you.”

I told him that he didn’t have to do that.

“Yes, yes I do. I want to,” he said.

“Okay, next time I get a craving for it I will tell you.”

“Please do,” he replied.

While George took the dishes to the kitchen, I noticed his lizard was staring at me again. I thought, “Good thing lizards can’t speak. He knows about that movie I watched here a while ago, a movie that had situations in it that Mennonites were never supposed to see or know about.” I shook my head when I realised the thoughts I was having were about a lizard and thought, “Boy, my nerves are getting way out of control!”

George came back with a phone in his hand and said, “Here goes nothing,” and then dialed the number to the embroidery shop. He went into the kitchen. I couldn’t hear everything he was saying but I did hear a few “F” words and, “She will meet you there tomorrow then.”

George hung up the phone and said, “I hope you are not busy tomorrow because we are going to get you your money.”

I was actually busy the next day. I had an appointment at the walk-in clinic. They had some test results that would show if there was something seriously wrong with me.

I told George that I had an appointment and what time it was and, with a big smile on his face, he said, “Perfect, we can go to your appointment right after we get your money. I will just come with you.”

I didn’t know what to say. I really liked that idea because George might help me with all the paperwork that I never finished at the clinic. I thought, “If someone sees me with George at the clinic and recognises me, news like that would end up in Mexico before I get home!”

I sat down on the couch, crossed my legs, put one foot on each of my knees and rubbed them. They were hurting so badly I could have cried. George came over to the couch and puffed up a pillow behind me and said, “Why don’t you lie down and just rest for a while? I will put on a movie.”  

I slowly lay down but on pins and needles with my feet still crossed while he put the movie on. I thought, “I should go home now. What am I doing here?” He just pressed play and then his phone rang. He went into his bedroom to talk. I heard bits of the conversation and it was not good. He was arguing with someone and there were a lot of “F” words. I figured it was Bree.

I tried to watch the movie but I had to fight with all of my being not to fall asleep on his sofa. It was so comfortable. It felt like I was lying on a bed made of warmed up cotton that hugged and soothed every inch of my aching body. I gave in, stopped fighting against it, and just stretched my legs out, put my arms over my head, took a few deep breaths, and sank into the warmth.

He came back into the living room and, before I could even react, he was sitting beside me and my feet were touching him. He put the phone down and pulled his fingers through his hair and let out a big sigh and said, “Man, I don’t get her sometimes.”

All I could think of was, “How can I slowly pull my feet away so he won’t notice?” He told me how she was playing head games with him to make him jealous. Then, she would get all pissed off at him when it didn’t work because he didn’t really care what she was doing.

I understood about every other word and had no idea what to say to him. I just asked him if she was coming over and he said, “I f#cking hope not! I hate it when she is in this kind of mood. She just needs to get over it and move on.”

“How about we the movie? I’ll rewind it and we can watch it from the beginning. It’s supposed to be pretty funny. It’s called Kingpin,” George said.

He put his hand on my foot when he leaned over to grab the remote and I almost jumped out of my skin. I thought, “Anna, just get out of here!” But, my brain was alone on that one; my body didn’t think I should go. It was perfectly happy just like it was, lying there.

I thought, “Okay, he must have done that by accident.” I had never heard what George thought of us Mennonite people. All I knew was how he had been sticking up for me. Once, I overheard some of his buddies at the factory talking about how gross we Mennonites were. One of them said, “Especially the men! I mean, who touches these hairy women, let alone impregnates them, not once but up to twelve and fourteen times? Who are these sick people?”

I was reminded that I was one of these Mennonite women the man had talked about. When I finished that thought, I was ready to bolt out of there. I thought, “Okay, I’ll go right after he moves his hand off my foot. Then I’m out of here!”

He didn’t let go of my foot. As he put the remote down, he picked up my other foot, moved even closer to me, and put them on his lap. I thought, “Oh no! Okay, that wasn’t an accident. Oh no!” I tensed up even more than I already was. He looked over at me and said, “Okay, Anna! Relax! I am just going to rub the pain out of your feet, okay? You did wash them after you worked on the farm, didn’t you?”
  
I turned all red and covered my face with a pillow. He laughed and said, “I’m just kidding, okay? Now try to relax while I do this or it won’t work.”

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He started gently massaging my feet. I thought, “Okay, this is working.” I was feeling things I sure had never felt or knew of their existence!

That sure was the biggest fight I had had with my brain so far. My Low German thoughts were telling me, “This is wrong. Don’t enjoy it. Anna, go mol nu hus wot des du?” (“Anna go home already! What are you doing?”)

My body just sunk into his couch further and further. My feet weren’t going anywhere. I tried to steer my thoughts in a different direction. I thought, “Actually, this is kind of like going to a trajcht moaka (chiropractor) only a bit different. This one is so interesting, very attractive, clean, he smells amazing, and he has really clean white straight teeth.” I was wishing this would never end.

The movie was just background noise as I dozed off a few times. But, sadly, the movie ended. George had massaged my feet through the whole movie. I was embarrassed to look at him but I worked up the courage and there they were again, his perfect teeth smiling at me. I just smiled back a little, not enough to show my crooked teeth.  

“How was that? Do they still hurt,” he asked.

I just made a mumbling noise and giggled. I could barely speak. “Much better,” I mumbled. I tried to get up but I couldn’t. I was too snuggled in to the pillows. “Ahhh, I have to go now. I am so tired. I need to go to sleep,” I told him.

He got up, walked around the coffee table to me, grabbed my hand so I could pull myself up and said, “Is there anything else I can do for you? The night is still young.” I slowly walked around him to the door, grabbed my shoes, and ran home bare foot.

I brushed my teeth, looking in the mirror and wishing I could do something to get my teeth as straight as George’s.

I went to bed, said my prayer, and then I was wide awake. My bed was so uncomfortable and lumpy compared to George’s couch. I started thinking about everything: my day at the farm, the watermelon seeds, George making sandwiches, sitting on the floor while eating, George massaging my feet, and parts of the movie.

The part where Woody Harrelson thought he milked a cow and the Mennonite guy said, “What cow? There were no cows, just bulls!” That’s when I sort of got it, ran to the bathroom and threw up. I thought, “Is this why we are not supposed to watch movies? Could it be that we can’t handle it?”

I tossed and turned all night and, when morning finally arrived, I struggled getting up. I was so stiff I walked like a penguin. While getting dressed, I wished I had more clothes to choose from and wondered, “How could I do my hair so I would blend in a bit more so that people wouldn’t recognize me so easily?”

I thought long and hard about letting George come with me to my appointment and decided that it would be okay.

I debated, “What are the chances of me running into someone that will recognize me? I won’t have time to drop him off and I can’t just leave him there after helping me get my money.”

I decided that he would come along but the thought of what people might say about me in Mexico if anyone saw me with him scared me to death. Click here to continue reading my story.

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